Stand Ye in Holy Places

Stand Ye in Holy Places

                By now those of you who have read the papers that I have written for my English class know that I a member of the Latter-day Saint church (LDS) aka I’m Mormon who experiences same sex attractions, or to put it simply I’m a Gay Mormon. Being a member of the LDS church is so wonderful and I know it to be the true church of Jesus Christ restored on the earth and is a true blessing. At the same time I have come to see my attractions as a blessing as well. Ok, so I know you are probably now thinking “Is he crazy” or “He must not really believe in the LDS church” but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I say that I see my attractions as a blessing after a ton of prayer and talking with/listening to the stories of others that are in exactly the same place as I am, and finally being honest with myself and those around me about who I am. To quote a peace of revelation received by another like I while feeling guilty about his attractions is this. “So you have 20/20 vision and see men as beautiful as Heavenly Father does”. NO THIS IS NOT SAYING THAT GOD IS GAY!! This is merely stating that we’ve been blessed to see the beauty that exists in men and not just women.  Sorry for the attitude but we all know that there are those out there who wish to twist and corrupt anything and everything they can and this is something that needed to be made perfectly clear.

                For the longest time now I have been wanting to find a romantic platonic, non-sexual, relationship with another guy. Some would might say “Ok, so what’s the big deal?” others might say “Ewe” but if you’re like me and wanting to keep the standards of the LDS church or know about the standards of the church you know that we believe that sexual relationships are only to be had between a man and a woman that are legally married. So what’s the problem if it’s a platonic relationship? The following come to my mind: romantic love typically results in these feelings being expressed through kissing on the lips and some times more; I plan on getting married in a LDS temple to a woman and having kids—if I were to get involved in a romantic relationship with a man this would be rather counterproductive of that goal; and lastly for this list but certainly not the least is that I have a different definition to the word “friend”, to me someone that you talk to every once in a while about mundane everyday things is more of an acquaintance especially if it’s not on a regular bases. To me a friend is someone that you talk to regularly and many times talk about things that are very personal not just the mundane. That being said about how I define a “friend” I tend to get deeply attached to those I love to the point that the word “family” in more applicable than the word “friend”, so If I were to “date” a guy that relationship would become very deep and intense very quickly which would be a very dangerous situation.

                So why am I writing about this? Several weeks ago, on our first nice warm day in Utah Valley before the church’s April General Conference, I was talking to a friend who also has these attractions about this. As a result of that conversation he showed me a BYU devotional video that was shown to him, to keep is simple and quick the main point of the devotional talk was To Stay Where You Are and to Keep At It, Don’t Give Up. I watched this video the same day that he showed it to me and from that time on I keep hearing that same answer/message. Stay Where You Are, Just Keep At It, Don’t Give Up. I’ve been hearing this everywhere, The General Conference talks, songs that come on randomly on the radio and my phone, other talks in church, other friends and church leaders, and even on TV shows. I am just millimeters away from going out there to find someone to date and Heavenly Father knows this, by me keep hearing this same message again and again He’s telling me that He knows me, He is listening to my prayers, those that I consciously pray and those that I only dare to hold ever so deeply within my heart. I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ  not only know of my pain but that they truly know it through and through.

                Lately I’ve been watching a YouTube campaign/channel called “The It Gets Better Project”, it’s a series of videos from people that are also gay, gay allies, business, and schools that have come together on an international bases to show their support to the “non-heterosexual”(there’re too many politically correct terms used so I use this) community. In each of these videos stories are shared, hope and love are shown, and most of all, the message that no-matter where you may be in life, It Gets Better. Why do I bring this up? Because I and so many like me have at one point or another reached the point of being ready to give up and commit suicide. This hope of It Gets Better is something that I want to believe and hold onto and it’s something that I want to share with others. I know that Heavenly Father/God, or whomever your deity may be, is there and hears our prayers—and if He’s there—then it must be true that It Gets Better.